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Enter Our “Rename BP” Contest

The winner gets a can of anchovies, packed in oil of course.

by on Jun.01, 2010

The need for a new BP name to escape blame (NNTEB?) is, well, now floating to the surface.

The largest oil spill in U.S. history is creating the obvious need for the rebranding of BP so that when it inevitably uses bankruptcy to escape its still growing multi-billion dollar liabilities, the new, clean corporation can remove itself as much as possible from being associated with the disaster that Bad Petroleum created in the Gulf of Mexico.

I will wager there are expensive consultants working on this right now – numerous bankruptcy lawyers, as well as branding and logo design firms.

However, since we firmly believe in the free, err rigged by the rich, very expensive market, as well as the creativity of our audience, we hope that a name that is much better than Beyond Petroleum (PB or post beyond?) will gush forth from the electronic ether. How about EB for escape blame, or NCC for new clean corp, or DM for drilling mud, or PYNW, as in poisoning your neighbor’s well or DHR for Deepwater Horizon rig?

This is vital so that whatever entity BP becomes (Post-Britannique Moniker, PBM?)  it can drill into a slick new world, uninhibited by having to pay for an ocean’s worth of dead fish, birds and assorted marine non-life (AMNL or maybe just slick oil?).

Posturing politicians (PP?) and our non-regulatory agencies (NRA – oops, need to dodge that naming rights bullet) will also welcome the relief coming from the change of subject (COS?) as the oil spill (OS?) goes on for a longer time than Noah endured the rain. (Ark Oil or just ARC, since BP already holds the rights to Arco?)

So please “spill baby spill” with your ideas. (M-GOL as in millions of gallons of oil liquid?)

Is a “Palin”-drome possible here? After all (or is that after oil?) Sarah used a similar tactic by abandoning Alaska when it became clear that a reckoning was coming and she needed to get out before she was thrown out by voters (GOTO?). How about SBS from “spill baby spill or SBD for “spill baby ditto” – oops, I think that one is taken. Say the ultimate costs imposed by the impotent Obama Administration on BP (hum – IOA?) are $98289 billion, then there are numerous possible new titles for Bad Petroleum if you let your fingers do the walking on your cell phone key pad: WUAUW?

Getting the “unpredictable drift” here? What about RWTM – for relief wells take months?

Send us an “oil-mail” with your worst ideas so we can drill down into the topic. The anchovies await…

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16 Responses to “Enter Our “Rename BP” Contest”

  1. They will change from BP to BOP (for “blow out preventer,” “Big Oil Profits,” or “Badly Oiled Pelicans”)

  2. Leo Martin says:

    BP: Bubba Pump (Like bubba gump shrimp? They gon be exstink).

  3. db brown says:

    BP blame proof

  4. Lee Miskowski says:

    “We Suck” (morning cartoon in the Oakland Press)

  5. Harry says:

    Britain will ask them to remove British from their name and they will be left is just B Petroleum.

  6. Joseph Cabadas says:

    I think I’ll vote for “Obama’s Hole” for renaming BP. So much for “Beyond Petroleum” too.

  7. Doug says:

    Hello how about BOWEL PRISONERS!!!

  8. Sandy says:

    BP now stands for Bastard Predators, Bastard Perversion, British Ponzi, Basically Pathetic. There are no words to truly identify this company for the piece of shit it really is!

  9. Angelar says:

    Bad People or Brutal Petroleum

  10. Richard says:

    B wilderd
    P atheticol

  11. slm says:

    Bird of Prey
    (logo would be oiled pelican making a doomed attempt to fly)

  12. Michael Wagner says:

    BP The people who moved us Beyond Pollution

  13. “Here’s a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they’re capturing it with ducks.” —Jimmy Fallon

  14. Ken Zino says:

    BP statement on escrow fund. The views expressed are from BP and not ours. – Ken Zino, editor

    Following a meeting with the President of the United States, the BP Board announces an agreed package of measures to meet its obligations as a responsible party arising from the Deepwater Horizon spill.

    Agreement was reached to create a $20bn claims fund over the next three and a half years on the following basis:

    * BP will initially make payments of $3bn in Q3 of 2010 and $2bn in Q4 of 2010. These will be followed by a payment of $1.25bn per quarter until a total of $20bn has been paid in.
    * While the fund is building, BP’s commitments will be assured by the setting aside of U.S. assets with a value of $20bn. The intention is that this level of assets will decline as cash contributions are made to the fund.
    * The fund will be available to satisfy legitimate claims including natural resource damages and state and local response costs. Fines and penalties will be excluded from the fund and paid separately. Payments from the fund will be made as they are adjudicated, whether by the Independent Claims Facility (ICF) referred to below, or by a court, or as agreed by BP.
    * The ICF will be administered by Ken Feinberg. The ICF will adjudicate on all Oil Pollution Act and tort claims excluding all federal and state claims.
    * Any money left in the fund once all legitimate claims have been resolved and paid will revert to BP.

    The fund does not represent a cap on BP liabilities, but will be available to satisfy legitimate claims. Further and more detailed terms regarding the establishment and operation of the claims fund and the ICF will be finalized and announced as soon as possible.

    As a consequence of this agreement, the BP Board has reviewed its dividend policy. Notwithstanding BP’s strong financial and asset position, the current circumstances require the Board to be prudent and it has therefore decided to cancel the previously declared first quarter dividend scheduled for payment on 21st June, and that no interim dividends will be declared in respect of the second and third quarters of 2010.

    The Board remains strongly committed to the payment of future dividends and delivering long term value to shareholders. The Board will consider resumption of dividend payments in 2011 at the time of issuance of the fourth quarter 2010 results, by which time it expects to have a clearer picture of the longer term impact of the Deepwater Horizon incident.

    The Board believes that it is right and prudent to take a conservative financial position given the current uncertainty over the extent and timing of costs and liabilities relating to the spill. BP’s businesses continue to perform well, with cash flows from operations expected to exceed $30bn in 2010 at current prices and margins before taking into consideration costs related to the Deepwater Horizon spill. BP’s gearing level remains at the bottom of its targeted band of 20-30 per cent. In addition, the Company has over $10bn of committed banking facilities. To further increase the Company’s available cash resources, the Board intends to implement a significant reduction in organic capital spending and to increase planned divestments to approximately $10bn over the next twelve months.
    Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg said: “We appreciated the constructive meeting conducted by the President and his senior advisers and are confident that the agreement announced today will provide greater comfort to the citizens of the Gulf coast and greater clarity to BP and its shareholders. We welcome the administration’s statements acknowledging that BP is a strong company and that the administration has no interest in undermining the financial stability of BP. This agreement is a very significant step in clarifying and confirming our commitment to meet our obligations. We regret the cancellation and suspension of the dividends, but we concluded it was in the best interests of the Company and its shareholders.”

    Chief Executive Tony Hayward said: “From the outset we have said that we fully accepted our obligations as a responsible party. This agreement reaffirms our commitment to do the right thing. The President made it clear and we agree that our top priority is to contain the spill, clean up the oil and mitigate the damage to the Gulf coast community. We will not rest until the job is done.”

  15. LK Smith says:

    Be-damned Planet

  16. Phyllis says:

    I thought since it is affecting the health of all living things in that area – and spreading it – should be called “Bio-hazard Producer.”